TAwa Muna TAyO!!!! Filipino EngLish

ok! must share these with my kapwa (fellow) pinoys! enjoy! and if
you don't get it... well just grab the nearest filipino and ask them to
explain!








3 bears were driving on the road. They accidently drove off a cliff and
into the water.
Which bear did not get wet?
--the dribear.

Which bear saw the accident?
--the neighbear.

Which bear came out of the car safely?
--the surbibear.

Which bear fixed the car?
--MacGuyBear




There was a Filipino kindergarten teacher teaching her class how to do
the hokey-pokey. She started off, "You put you right feet in, you put
your right feet out, you put your right feet in..." Suddenly, one of the
children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot'." So the teacher said,
"You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out..."



A filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration
tells him "Use the words 'chicken not bread' in a sentence." The
filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells, "Chee
kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent of 'she cannot breathe)



Use in a sentence: (make sure you read the punchline with a Filipino accent)

NEW! Use AFFECT in a sentence.
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.


ANALYZE and ANATOMY:
My analyze over the ocean, so bring back my anatomy.

ASPECT:
pantusok ng yelo

ASSOCIATE:
I looked in the toilet and associate.

BACKLOG:
bacon saka egg

BAKING POWDER:
I BAKING POWDER? Can you repeat the question?

BEEHIVE:
magpakatino ka

NEW! Use BORROW in a sentence.
Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.

NEW! Use CADET in a sentence.
CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET
niya.

NEW! Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.


CALCULATOR:
I can't talk to you on the phone right now, but I'll CALCULATOR.

CATTLE:
doon nakatila ang hali at leyna

CDROM:
tingnan mo ang kwarto

CITY:
bago mag-utso

COMPLEX:
Every morning I eat COMPLEX with milk.
>>
Use CONCLUSION and OPINION in one sentence:
(Pointing to a door): CONCLUSION, hindi OPINION.

CONTEMPLATE:
I went to a party last night. There was so much food pero co-CONTEMPLATE.

CUISINE:
I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a surprise CUISINE Math.

Use CURTAIN and KITCHEN in one sentence:
Aray! Huwag mo akong CURTAIN. Masa-KITCHEN.

DEBUG:
ang ipis

DECIBEL:
May nakita akong sirena kanina. Siya pala'y si DECIBEL.

DEDICATED:
pinatay ang pusa

DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL:
Deduct jumped over defense. Defeat first detail last.

DEFER:
ang balahibo

DEFICIT:
Before going into the pool, I always check how deficit.

NEW! Use DEFIED in a sentence.
What is 2 + 3? Eh DEFIED, dali naman niyon.


DEFLATE:
ang plato

DEFRAG:
ang palaka

Use DELETION in a sentence.
The balat of DELETION is crispy.


NEW! Use DELICACY in a sentence.
Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo.


NEW! DELUSION:
e di maluwag

DEPOSIT:
When washing my hands, I always turn on deposit.

DEPRESSED:
DEPRESSED is the person who conducts the mass every Sunday.

DEVALUE:
'yon ang susunod sa letrang 'V'

DEVASTATION:
I wait for the bus at devastation.

Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in one sentence:
If the royal family has a baby boy, he is called DIFFERENCE; if they have a baby girl, she is called DIFFERENCES.

NEW! Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic.


NEW! . Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok.


DILEMMA:
brownout, a!

DINUGUAN:
I tried turning on the TV, but no matter how many times I try, it
dinuguan.

EFFORT:
The airplane landed on the EFFORT.

GUAVA:
I just had a haircut. Masa-GUAVA?

HOSTESS:
When you answer the phone, you say, "Hello, HOSTESS?"

ICE BUKO:
Nagpagupit ako kanina. ICE BUKO ba?

INDAY:
(In your best Whitney Houston voice): INDAAAAAAAAAAY will always love you...ooooooo.

Use IRAQ, IRAN and EGYPT in one sentence:
IRAQ is bigger than a stone; IRAN is faster than a walk; and EGYPT is smaller than a truck.

IT DEPENDS:
kainin mo ang bakod

JULY:
nagsinungaling ka ba?

KULONG:
Wow, ang bango mo ah! What's your KULONG?

LION:
Pare, nasaktan ba kita kanina? Huwag mo isipin pare, LION.

MASTURBATION:
Hoy! Finish your food, there's MASTURBATION in the third world.

NEW! Use MENTION in a sentence.
Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.


Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in one sentence:
At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant, "Do I PAMPERS or do I PAPERS?"

Use PAUL five times in a sentence:
PAUL, be carePAUL; you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL and make a PAUL of yourself.

PENIS:
Before you go out, PENIS your homework.

PERSUADING:
Next year, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie will celebrate their
persuading anniversary.

PREDICATE:
pakawalan mo ang pusa

PROFIT:
patunayan mo

PROTESTANT:
I always get my apples and saging at the protestant.

PUNCTUATION:
Daddy, pasukan na next week. Kailangan ko ng PUNCTUATION.

NEW! Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
(Phone rings)..... Hello? Who SCHOOLING?


Use CASHEW and SKATE in a sentence:
I want to have a tattoo sana, CASHEW mukhang ma-SKATE e.

SPECIMEN:
I saw some SPECIMEN inside the spaceship.

STATUE:
ikaw ba 'yan?

SUSPICIOUS:
Mare, ang laki pala ng bahay ninyo. It's SUSPICIOUS.

TENACIOUS:
Before playing tennis I have to put on my tenacious.

TORPEDO:
takot manligaw

UNO, DOS, TRES:
UNO! Dos tres are on fire!

ZOOLOGY:
ang sayans ng pagtatahi

Thanks Angel for the new definitions!



What's the ugliest cow in the world?
-Ikaw






Did you know that filipinos named Staten Island? The were passing by on
a boat and one said, "Is staten island?"




What did one filipino monument say to the other filipino monument?
-Is statue?




What's the deadliest gang in the Philippines?
-the 'sini' gang.



There were 3 basketball teams: the white team, the black team, and the
filipino team. They all didn't know what to call each other. The white
team decided to be the 'A' team and the filipinos were the 'B' team.
What
was the black team?
_the 'E' team.